Grey's Anatomy: Silent All These Years (15x19)

Well, that was intense.

Cons:

I want to start by saying that it's a little bit weird to talk about an episode like this as just a simple episode of TV, because any critique I have of it will inevitably come across as insensitive, and that's the last thing I want to do. But I am going to discuss some stuff that was maybe less-than-perfect about this episode, and I hope anyone reading this understands that I'm just trying to look at the episode as a story told on TV, and hope that's enough.

One thing that struck me as kind of strange was that this episode was really focusing on the feelings of guilt that survivors of abuse and/or sexual assault feel, because they feel like they deserved it, or could have done more to stop it. So, we learn that Jo's mother was "date raped," and then Jo's patient Abby was at a bar, drinking and flirting. But we then learn that Abby was walking down a dark street and was followed by a man. I'm not saying this doesn't happen. Of course it does. But most rapes are perpetrated by someone that the survivor knows, and I was waiting for a story that was a little bit less... in your face? I know a lot of people who have been raped, and many of their stories don't involve struggling or fighting or getting beat up. But it was still rape. I felt like this episode dealt with three extreme cases - Jo was physically and mentally abused by her husband for years. Her mother was held down while she struggle to escape. And Abby was followed down the street by a stranger, and also beat very badly. These stories happen, but so do the ones where someone feels scared and confused, or is black-out drunk, and they have a really difficult time sorting through their feelings and admitting what really happened to them. I don't know if I'm articulating myself particularly well... I just thought that in an episode that involved several stories of assault and abuse, it was odd that none of them really represented what I think of as the "typical" experience for something like this.

Some smaller notes to mention, too: I liked that Jo's mom was actually really eloquent about what happened to her, because it came across like she had gone to a lot of therapy and she was mindfully repeating some of the stuff she's probably talked to professionals about. That was great - I just wish it had been a bit more explicitly stated. Obviously both of these women sitting in that diner have probably imagined what they would say to each other if they ever met... but they were both maybe a bit too polished about it? They were both able to say so clearly and concisely how they were feeling, and it didn't feel realistic to me, in some way.

The same can be said of the scene where Abby breaks down and tells Jo and Teddy what happened. She makes some really salient points about how she's afraid that she will be ridiculed and not believed if she comes forward. The drinks she had that night will condemn her, while the drinks her rapist had will excuse him. It's all super true, super powerful stuff that's important to say and to hear. But it's like... too well-written. I wouldn't expect a woman in Abby's current situation to be able to be so eloquent about what happened and what exactly she's afraid will happen. I'm not saying she wasn't thinking all those things, but if you've ever been really upset or scared, you'll probably know that your words don't come out perfectly right. Am I even making any sense with this review? Probably not!

Pros:

This was a really powerful episode, and it was well-written, well-acted, and incredibly moving in so many amazing ways.

I think my favorite thing about Jo's conversation with her birth-mother in that cafe is that it feels unfinished. Above, I was saying how some of the dialogue felt a little too practiced, but the way the conversation just kind of... ended was really powerful and felt true to life. They did their best to talk. Jo did her best to forgive. And then they walked away, and that's that. I don't know if they'll get to talk more, if they'll be a part of each other's lives. But their first conversation didn't go particularly well, and that's how life is sometimes.

I also really liked the fact that Jo was angry at seeing this great life that her birth mother had. A nice house, a husband and two kids... and Jo was left abandoned, and grew up in the foster system, and married an abusive monster. Rationally, that's not Jo's mother's fault. She could just as easily have ended up in a loving home. And yet that anger comes from a deep, true place within Jo. It comes from a place of hurt. I also think that Jo had constructed a narrative in her mind that she could live with, and to see that narrative fall apart in the face of reality was probably enormously traumatic. And yet as angry as she was, she tried to form a connection with the woman across from her. She reached her hand out and touched her mother, and her mother pulled back from her. Their conversation was brutal, and honest, and full of hard truths, and it didn't bridge the gap between them, no matter how bad they might have wanted it to. They both did their best, and it wasn't enough, and that's... real.

Back at the hospital, Jo has been avoiding Alex and trying to push everything aside, but her patient Abby makes her confront the reality of things very quickly. One of the amazing things about this episode is that Abby is the center of the story of her own experience. Obviously we're drawing parallels, as a viewer, between what happened to Abby and what happened to Jo's mother. That's intentional. But Jo doesn't spend her time with Abby falling apart about her own life. She's focused entirely on her patient, and it's her strength and compassion that helps Abby survive it.

Obviously the most moving part of the episode is when all of the women line the hallway so that Abby can be safely transferred to the OR without having to see any men at all. Most of those women don't know why they're there, or what exactly happened, but they know that a woman needs their help and support, and they all provide it. This whole scene just made me think about so many women who have gone through such horrible trauma, and who probably weren't able to have an all-female surgical team. I had never thought about how these two aspects of sexism and the patriarchy connect before. Men dominating the professional world has led to women being in a position where they have no choice but to be treated by and talked to by men after being assaulted. It's incredibly moving that Abby didn't have to suffer that, that she had Jo, and Qadri, and Teddy, and all of the female doctors and staff to pull her through.

The actress playing Abby was absolutely incredible. She did such a good job, and I just want to take a moment to praise her. Usually I don't bother looking up actor names that I don't already know, but this time I actually took the five seconds to do that: Khalilah Joi. She was outstanding.

Before I wrap up this review, I want to talk a bit about the men in this episode. I think it's so important that women were centered in this story, that most of the screen-time was with them, that their stories were the ones being told. But we see these subtle moments where we understand the places that good men have in these narratives. There's the way Andrew instinctively trusts Jo and removes himself from the situation at Jo's urging. There's the way that Alex tries to be supportive, and although he's hurt by Jo's rebuffs, he lets her walk away at the end.

And most importantly, there's the conversation between Ben and Tuck, who is old enough to be "talking" with his first girlfriend. The one teeny tiny thing I wish could have been different about this conversation is that Ben could have framed the conversation in a more gender-neutral way. Sure, Tuck likes a girl, but he might also like people of other genders... but even more important than that, Ben was teaching Tuck about how to respect consent, but he might also have mentioned that if he, Tuck, ever felt uncomfortable about someone else, he needs to be vigilant about his own safety as well. That's such a nit-pick though, because I think the conversation was really great, and the sports analogy was pitch-perfect, and I'm glad we get to see Ben talking to his step-son in this frank and important way.

I think I've used the words "important" and "powerful" like ten times each in this review, but it's true. This episode was important. And it was well done. People will always take episodes like this and dissect them with a fine-toothed comb, just the way I've done, because it feels like so much more than just another episode of a long-running medical drama. In some ways it is, but in lots of ways, it's another episode with familiar characters and satisfying drama, executed by wonderful actors. I think this episode worked on both levels.

9/10