Suits: Denial (5x01)

Oh my God Harvey. You poor dear! And poor Donna! Seriously I'm so upset. But also so excited about this season! This episode was honestly really hard to watch, but at the same time when it ended I had the biggest grin on my face. Let's go over the plot.

Basically, Donna has left Harvey and is going to start working for Louis. Donna tries to be an adult about it, but Harvey insists that they rip off the band-aid and just get it over with. Donna doesn't stay with Harvey for her final two weeks, therefore, and instead goes straight to working with Louis. Harvey is in denial. He thinks that Donna will come back. Louis is also uncertain about Donna's new position, as he thinks that Donna will abandon him and run back to Harvey. Harvey goes to see a therapist, hoping to be given anti-anxiety medication. He has been suffering from panic attacks due to losing Donna. He fears that he's going to drop the ball and mess things up.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Mike decide to keep their engagement a secret for the time being. Originally, they were going to tell Donna, but the news about Donna now working for Louis eclipses all else from their minds. Rachel misses a test in school because she sticks around and helps Harvey. Harvey is still refusing to hire a new secretary, thinking that Donna will come back. The case that Harvey and Mike are working on nearly gets screwed up because of a minor oversight of Rachel's, but Mike tells him it's his own fault for not hiring a new secretary. Rachel shouldn't be blamed, since this isn't even her job!

Eventually, Harvey realizes that he'll have to accept that Donna has left him. His therapist tells him this is the only way to start to recover. Donna and Louis are more secure in their new partnership than ever, as Donna has told Louis that Harvey isn't getting her back. Harvey asks Donna for the list of new potential secretaries, thus signifying that he acknowledges things are different now.

Harvey and Donna each congratulate Mike and Rachel respectively on their engagement. Donna gives Rachel some presents, not only for the engagement but also for helping Harvey out when he needed it most. Harvey gets Mike tickets for the Nets game, and the two of them go together.

There isn't really much of a plot in this episode, as far as the case goes. There are some twists and turns, but the characters are where the real focus is, and I think that's as it should be.

If I were to have any complaints, I think my main one would be that Donna and Mike didn't have a moment in the whole episode. Maybe we'll get one later, but I couldn't help but notice that Rachel and Harvey had a connecting moment in this episode, while Mike didn't even share a scene with Donna.

But honestly, I'm just loving this episode and everything it's setting up for the show moving forward.

First of all, Jessica. She wasn't in the episode much, but when she was there, she was amazing. She came to lend a shoulder to cry on to Harvey when she hears about Donna. She understands what Donna and Harvey were to each other, and even points out that Harvey is more of a mess now than he ever was when Scottie left. It was nice to see a gentle, supportive side of Jessica. I'm sure she'll have more to do in the coming weeks, but for now it's okay to see her take a side role.

Louis and Harvey's relationship didn't get much attention, but I really like the fact that Louis tries to apologize to Harvey and asks him if there are any hard feelings. I think Donna is going to be a point of contention between these two men very soon, but for now we see that Louis and Harvey don't want to be enemies.

Rachel Zane! I was a little bit annoyed with her for sacrificing part of her education just to help Harvey, but then I realized that this is exactly the kind of thing Rachel would do. It's so unbelievably sweet and yet totally bad ass of her. I think one of my favorite moments in the whole episode is when Harvey's phone rings and Rachel picks it up to take his call. It was such a powerful moment. I always love it when we get to see Harvey noticing Rachel's worth. He's usually too preoccupied with Mike, but on rare occasions he notices Rachel's gifts as well.

Mike had a lot on his mind this episode. He managed to be exactly what Rachel and Harvey both needed. I loved the fact that he supported Harvey and cut him some slack, but when Harvey was about to unfairly attack Rachel, Mike defended her. It was really nice to see that. Mike and Harvey have a special bond, and selfishly I want them to spend all of their time together. But Mike and Rachel are the ones getting married. She comes first in his life.

Okay. We need to talk about Harvey Specter having panic attacks because he's so freaked out that Donna left him. Holy shit. This is like straight out of a fanfiction or something. I can't even believe it. I'm so glad we're seeing some real dents in the perfect Harvey Specter facade. This isn't just a slightly depressed Harvey or an angry Harvey or even simply a Harvey-in-denial. He's got anxiety and panic issues. He's rushing off to the bathroom to throw up. This is more intense than anything we've seen on this show before, and I'm beyond excited to see where they go with it. It seems that Harvey is ready to admit, after several weeks of denial, that he may have lost Donna permanently. It's sad, but it's also really wonderful to see Harvey start to pick up the pieces. Hopefully this means that when Donna and Harvey inevitably reconcile, they can be a stronger duo. Less codependent and confused.

One of the most subtle and wonderful moments in this episode was when Donna gave Rachel her present for the engagement. She tells Rachel that Harvey won't think to get them a gift, because she was always the one to handle that sort of thing. But that's not true in this case - Harvey did remember to get a gift. And he also owned up to his mistakes with Mike and Rachel, without Donna reminding him. He can take care of himself. Somehow, I don't think Donna's going to be thrilled that Harvey can get along without her. I hope they explore this dynamic.

Finally, of course, I must mention the Harvey/Mike moments. I love the fact that Rachel wants to tell Donna about the engagement, but nobody else is supposed to know... and then Mike doesn't even last ten seconds in the same room with Harvey before he's spilling the beans. That's of course adorable. Rachel and Donna are great friends, and it makes sense that Rachel would want to tell her. For Mike, that person is Harvey. Then there's the fact that Harvey acts like a total jerk about it, but once Mike knows what's going on, he's instantly forgiven. Mike doesn't even bring up the engagement at all while they're working on the case, focusing instead of being a good friend and associate to Harvey. He doesn't press him for information about Donna, and most importantly he doesn't coddle Harvey.

That scene at the end with Harvey and Mike was one of those scenes where I literally clutched my face and squealed at the adorableness of it all. Harvey gave Mike a copy of Bride Magazine as a way to apologize for his earlier rude behavior, and if that wasn't sweet enough, he also got him tickets to the Nets game. The two of them go out to celebrate. I just love all the hints that Harvey and Mike are real friends now, outside of the office.

I'll stop myself from continuing to ramble at the adorable-ness. Basically, I'm pretty happy with that premiere, and I'm anxiously awaiting the next episode!

9/10